Rating the B.S. Report

Bill Simmons works for ESPN.  He’s also called “The Sports Guy.” Apparently he writes a column called “The Sports Column.” He also has a podcast called The B.S. Report, which is a free-flowing conversation that occasionally touches on mature subject matter. You know the drill.

So yesterday Simmons did a two-part podcast: Part 1 featured Kevin Love and Wi-ZARDS superfan, Joe House ( Play Download); Part 2 featured Dirk Nowitzski and Wi-ZARDS superfan Joe House (Play Download). (CAVEAT: Neither of us have had an opportunity to listen to them yet because of these niggling “day jobs” we have to do, but we’re both pretty psyched to hear them because the Simmon-House duo rules and so do Dirk and K-Love.)

In anticipation of listening to these podcasts, and without a Wolves game to discuss, we decided to look back on our favorite BS Report moments and propose who we would pay to hear on future B.S. Reports.

Andy G’s Favorites

1. Bill Walton (Describes the genius of John Wooden in ways only Walton can.  Also, I believe this podcast holds the BS Report title for ‘most awkward ending’ when Bill S. asks some question about the late-70’s Blazers breaking up and Bill W. abruptly ends interview. Eds. note: I’m not able to find the direct link to the Walton podcast so I’m posting his general ESPN Audio link, which contains links to many sources of Walton goodness.–AG)
2. 3-Man Weave with Mark Stein & Ric Bucher (Simmons loves the Celtics.  Stein loves the Mavericks.  Bucher loves the Lakers.  They rib each other about these allegiances in funny ways, and all three are in touch with the league.)
3. Chuck Klosterman (Klosterman could write or speak about tax returns and make them seem interesting.  He also knows hoops (though more NCAA than NBA) and his discussions with Simmons on the BS Report are must-listen.  One that sticks out is from the week that Charlie Sheen went batshit.
4. Jalen Rose (No surprise that BS hired him for HIS OWN podcast on the Grantland Network. He knocked his BS Report out of the park. Lots of good stuff about 90’s NBA and the Fab Five.)
5. Steve Kerr (Knows the game, has great stories, and speaks well. He’s a perfect fit for the podcast format.)

Patrick J’s Favorites

1. David Kahn (Obviously.)
2. Bob Ryan (Breakdown of Pierce as best Celtics scorer of all time–yes, greater than Legend; discussion of how McHale’s greatness is likely to be forgotten)
3. Chris Herren (So much Boston here, it warmed my heart just to hear the accent. Also, penetrating discussion of LOYALTY and Rick Pitino. Verification of why Paul Pierce is great.)
4. Joe House 2011/12 Season Preview, Part I and Part II(The 2011/12 season preview episodes is funny as hell. House says “Anus Kanter” and I believe he was being earnest about it. That NEVER happens.)
5. Larry Bird (Actually, this one was kind of a yawner given that Legend is my all-time favorite basketball player. Bird opines on Rubio (yes, he’s great) and Kobe vs. LeBron (Both are great, Lebron might be more fun to play with, but you’re more likely to win rings if you’re on Kobe’s squad.

Worst B.S. Report

1. Blake Griffin (He’s a more stale interview than Derrick Rose. Only sunshine here is that that hearing Simmons pulling teeth to get Griffin to talk was sort of entertaining ‘cause it was almost as hard to listen to as that scene in Swingers where Mikey keeps calling and leaving messages on that chick’s answering machine.)(Eds. note: Who am I forgetting? –PJ)
2. (Eds. note: You are forgetting BILLY HUNTER: (ALL listeners were pissed off listening to it (an inherent truth when you cross people who care enough about league to listen to a Billy Hunter interview with outrage of same people from LOCKOUT) and Hunter had nothing interesting to add.  I took away no enjoyment from that listen.  At least when David Stern comes on, he’s going to piss you off in interesting ways.–AG)

1. Delonte West (No, not just for the reason you’re thinking. I want an uncensored tell-all about everything that went down in the last two years in Cleveland.  Delonte is the man for the job. He’s got plenty of life stories of his own that would make an intriguing podcast.  This will have to happen when his career is over. Obviously.)
2. Kevin Garnett (I seriously doubt this will happen, since Simmons (all things considered) has come across as pretty ungrateful to KG through his Celtics coverage.  (I mean, KG is, BY FAR, the biggest reason for this franchise’s rise from the dead.) But KG is a weird personality, an all-time great, the best Timberwolf ever, and I’d love to hear an hour-long interview with Simmons.)
3. Tim Donaghy (I would cringe as he made me second-guess the integrity of the league that I love, but this is an interview I would have to listen to.)
4. Earl Monroe (Though I’ve never seen him play, I’ve always been fascinated by The Pearl. His career story is unique, his style of play was flashy and effective, his nickname inspired Jake Shuttlesworth to name his only son (that we were made aware of, at least) Jesus, and he played for the coolest team in league history.
5. Yao Ming (For being one of the greatest big men of the post-Ewing/Robinson/Olajuwon Era, Yao hasn’t put himself out there for a lot of interviews. It would be cool to hear what he has to say for an hour about his career, Rick Adelman, the league today, and of course, Jeremy Lin.

Patrick J’s Wish List

1. Metta World Peace (I’ve supported The Artist Formerly Known as Ron Artest since his St. John’s days, when Fab Five-loving Andy G made fun of me for liking him because he thought his shorts were too short. I’d like to hear him tell Metta that his shorts are too short. Seriously, this guy has been through some stuff, has a complex personality, and is honest. He could be a great, if bewildering, interview.)
2. Phil Jackson  (He’s smart, eccentric, and has been extremely successful. He’s also honest. There’s Bill Walton upside here.)
3. Jerry Sloan (See everything about Phil Jackson, except the eccentricity and Bill Walton upside parts.)
4. Stephon Marbury (Unlike Allen Iverson, about whom there was a great 30-at-30 episode, Marbury’s story has only been told in fragments, albeit in really entertaining ones like his vasoline video. I’d like to hear him, with the benefit of hindsight and some additional maturity, tell his own story of what happened in Minnesota, Phoenix, New Jersey, New York (including all “truck parties”), and…China.)
5. David Kahn REDUX (I want to be able to do a BEFORE/AFTER Adelman comparison.)

Who is missing from these lists?