The Punch Drunk Running Draft Diary

[We decided to do a running diary of last night’s draft. This started about a half hour before the draft began, and it ended around the time Orlando drafted Sabonis at 11 and quickly traded him to OKC. At that point, it still seemed like a Kris Dunn/Jimmy Butler trade was imminent. Over the weekend, we’ll digest all that emerged from last night — most significantly, the reports that Ricky Rubio’s days in Minnesota might be numbered. For now, enjoy the live reactions to the draft, outlined below. -AG]

Andy G: We’re both watching this draft on our respective couches, fully equipped in Minneapolis and Pittsburgh with Twitter, ESPN, and cold beverages. Let’s do a live diary from now (apprx 6:25 CST, 35 minutes until draft time) until after the Wolves pick at 5. (Or until they trade, or whatever they do.)

Wolves Twitter is an uneasy place right now. Woj is at the wheel, telling us that we’re taking Buddy Hield if Kris Dunn is off the board. He’s also saying that Rubio’s name is coming up in trade talks. Ian Begley from ESPN says that the Wolves dangled LaVine and the 5 for Jimmy Butler.

Are we going to recognize the Timbewolves roster beyond Wig & KAT tomorrow?

Patrick J: I hope so. It took this long to get to where we are, which isn’t so bad.

Andy G: Booing Adam Silver just seems wrong.

Patrick J: Booing Adam Silver should be a crime of some sort. #CasualObservation

Andy G: They’re showing ‘96 Draft footage. That was the most excited I’ve ever been about the Wolves. Turns out maybe keeping Shuttlesworth would’ve been the right play. Kevin McHale and 8th Grade Me had no way of knowing.

Patrick J: I wanted Marbury then too. Still probably would, against my better judgment. Will we be thinking the same about Ben Simmons (for the 76ers) or for whoever the Twolves pick at #5 tonight? (Eds. Note: Patrick J is weaving between his keyboard, saag paneer takeout, and beer. Even the most ambidextrous might have trouble with that combo.)

Andy G: BEN SIMMONS! I think I’ve been over-thinking the Ben Simmons question marks. He’s a pretty awesome talent.

I just cracked a GRAPEFRUIT SCULPIN. I might need 3 more if I read one more Rubio trade rumor.

Patrick J: Congrats to the Sixers for drafting someone who could conceivably play for them in his rookie season! Brandon Ingram is up next. Do you like him on the Lakers? Might there still be a deal in the w3rks? Should there be?

Andy G: Sounds like the Lakers are making as many phone calls as THIBS-LAYDEN. Even D’Angelo R is on the trade block. But I think they take, and keep Ingram.

Oh by the way:

DAVID SIMMONS! [Eds note: this is Ben’s father, interviewed during the broadcast.]

Patrick J: Brandon Ingram has on his “Nic Cage in Wild at Heart suit” (!) (Eds. Note: Insert “hunnit” emoticon here.) Great pick by the Lakers. (cc: @JonWallace)

Andy G: Ingram is the pick. No surprises yet. Twitter says DANNY AINGE is at the wheel, trying to #DoStuff

Patrick J: We’re heading into the great unknown from here. Who goes at three?

Andy G: This feels like one of those picks where you rely on Woj to tell you “what it really means.” (Read: the Celtics are picking for someone else.)

Patrick J: My wife just said (re: Ingram): “He looks like Corey Brewer, but skinnier. But I don’t think he’ll lead the league in smiles.” Prescient take?

Andy G: If you’re predicting that Player x/y/z will smile less than Brew? Methinks that Vegas won’t let you place that bet.

Patrick J: So…#analysis. I’m looking forward to lots of trades tonight. CAP SPACE!

Andy G: WOJ SAYS CELTICS DRAFTING JAYLEN B.

Patrick J: heart stops (Eds. Note: Patrick J is an unabashed Jaylen Brown fan. He won’t apologize.)

Andy G: BTW, if the common media perception is #correct, this means KRIS DUNN is going to the Wolves at 5. Phoenix don’t need a point guard. (Wolves don’t either, but Thibs seems to FUCKING HATE Ricky Rubio.)

Patrick J: JAYLEN BROWN JUST WENT NUMBER THREE! (The eye test lives to see another day, fwiw.)

Along the lines of your piece from last night, I don’t want anything to do with a non-PF. That means Dunn, in addition to Murray and Hield.

Andy G: Yeah, I want Dragan Bender. I think I’ve repeated that enough by now. But I’d rather have Dunn than Hield or Murray, on pure value.

Patrick J: Ahem, I think you meant “DRAGAN BENDER!” (?)

Andy G: Shit. Yes, my bad. That one is all caps all the way.

Patrick J: Whatever faith you are, assume your prayer position and hope that DRAGAN B is a Timberwolf after tonight. <over>

Andy G: WOJ SAYS PHILLY IS ‘SERIOUSLY ENGAGED ON A TRADE FOR THE 5TH PICK’

Patrick J: Can we still get Jrue Holiday on the cheap from them? (j/k) Does Thibs want NERLENS NOEL? Something else? ARGH!!!

Andy G: DRAGAN BENDER TO SUNS AT 4. THE DREAM IS NOW DEAD.

Patrick J: #F #M #L

(Does SCOTT LAYDEN have a trade in him?)

Andy G: Jon K says the Sixers are offering Wolves the same deal for 5 that they offered Boston for 3. (They want Dunn.) I don’t know what that package is, which makes this a less helpful update. [Eds note: the Associated Press reported that the Sixers offered Nerlens Noel, Robert Covington, the 24th Pick and the 26th Pick for Kris Dunn.]

Patrick J: My wife Stephanie J was momentarily confused by the ESPN telecast, thinking that “Stretch Forwards” was the name of a player. (Eds. Note: She doesn’t watch a lot of basketball.) It was reminiscient of the Key and Peele “East/West Bowl Classic”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gODZzSOelss

Fran Fraschilla: 7’1’’ PIECE OF NBA SILLY PUTTY! (!!) (Eds. Note: He really said that on tv – Fran F isn’t jamming in this Google Doc with us.)

Andy G: !!!

I need to get some #substantive material in here: The Wolves are taking Kris Dunn, and they have managed to orchestrate a BIDDING WAR for the rights to Dunn between the Bulls and the Sixers.

Patrick J: Good for them. I hope they turn it into Chriss, I guess, or Jimmy Butler. Meanwhile, did you seen Dragan Bender’s bowtie?

Andy G: BULLS WANTED LA VINE. WOLVES WERE WILLING TO DITCH RICKY. TALKS BROKE DOWN. WHAT THE FUCK. [Eds note: I’m not sure this, in the end, was correct. It was first reported that the Bulls wanted LaVine and the 5, but the Wolves would only do Rubio and the 5. I think later reports suggested that the Bulls would not agree to LaVine and the 5. It has also been reported that these talks are not necessarily dead.]

Oh, I should add: This was for Jimmy Butler.

Patrick J: Do people say, “Don’t write blog posts angry?”

Andy G: Silver to the podium, announces Dunn to Wolves, which seems temporary.

Patrick J: So, in 18 months La Vine has gone from “worst point guard in NBA history” to “untouchable” (the latter including under Thibodeau, Layden, and Associates). My mind is bending in all kinds of new directions now.

“Don’t cry, dry your eyes” – Jalen Rose, quoting the one and only Snoop D-oh-double-G

Andy G: Jalen just quoted Snoop Dogg when describing Kris Dunn. I didn’t quite follow the reference.

Touching Kris Dunn interview, trying not to get attached here before he dons a new cap. [Eds note: Dunn’s life story is pretty amazing. Read here.]

Patrick J: Kris Dunn has the flyest JC Penney suit I’ve ever seen. (Eds. Note: This isn’t your grandfather’s JC Penney suit.)

Okay, substance: WHAT IS THE END GAME NOW THAT LA VINE IS OFF THE TABLE? (Sorry, caps lock issues here.)

Andy G: I think we’re still looking at a trade. Woj used the adverb, “furiously” to describe how the Sixers were pursuing the 5 pick, presumably for Dunn. Uh, I’m just going to stop there.

Patrick J: Rather than commenting on any more bowties or Gucci/JC Penney shoes, I’m going to chill until we have something here.

Patrick J: I can’t bite my tongue. Doesn’t the name “Buddy Hield” just sound like a war hero? (Any war before Desert Storm, at least?) #GreatAmerican

Andy G: Yep, maybe just coincidentally, it also sounds like the sort of basketball player that you’d call, “Somebody I’d go to war with.”

Marc Stein says that the Wolves-Bulls talks are ongoing. Woj says Dunn is probably going to be traded.

Stay tuned.

Patrick J: Stephanie J is now starting to put together a collage of draft night bowties for art to head this post. (Yes, she’s bored waiting for a trade too.)

Andy G: Gun to your head: Would you give up 5 & LaVine for Jimmy Butler?

Patrick J: “Indeed” (Omar from The Wire voice)

Andy G: Yeah, I would too. (Sorry @brianjacobson.)

Patrick J: But Thibodeau and Layden, LLP wouldn’t? What gives?

“YOU DO THAT DEAL!” (Roger Dodger voice)

Andy G: Could just be the #BiddingWarDynamics.

Not sure why they seem so anxious to ditch Rubio though. Thibs must just really hate that broke-ass jumper. I don’t see any reason to “shop” Rubio right now, given his favorable Kahntract and lack of viable alternatives.

Patrick J: “It’s a beautiful thing for Jamal Murray.” – Jay Williams, riffing on @realDonaldTrump (!)

For real, Nuggets fans, it would’ve been cool if you could’ve paired a Jaylen Brown with Emmanuel Mudiay & co. Oh well.

Andy G: Marquese Chriss to the Kings. I guess there goes the odds of him hitting on that big upside. pours a little out for Chriss’s future

NEVERMIND: The Kings drafted CHRISS for Phoenix. That isn’t so bad, maybe he’ll pan out after all.

Patrick J: If the #BENDERCHRISS2016 news is true, it reminds of “You’re going to love how Ricky and Johnny play together” (David Kahn voice). (Am I wrong?)

Andy G: Hmm, that’s a great question. In this case, you’re dealing with all sorts of PHYSICAL UPSIDE (unlike Rubio/Flynn) but… it is possible that Your Point Stands.

Just for shits:

KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

Patrick J: Re: JAKOB POELTL: “He kind of looks like a young Will Ferrell.” – Stephanie J (Eds. Note: He went #9 to her hometown Toronto Raptors.)

Andy G: How much does the YAH-cub pronunciation increase his upside? I’m thinking at least a little bit. A seven footer named “Jacob” is almost a certain bust.

Patrick J: Can I make a plea for the Wolves to somehow draft Dejounte Murray, for the crossovers? (I know this cuts against the logic monster we’ve been building up re: guards, but crossovers…)

Andy G: I’m going to be that guy and I hate that guy but I think Dejounte’s killer cross is one of those things best enjoyed on somebody else’s team.

You could counterpoint with Kyrie Irving, who just kicked Steph Curry’s ass in the Finals, but I think Kyrie is an outlier in terms of using those filthy moves for The Greater Good (read: winning NBA basketball) in 2016.

Patrick J: Do you want this on another team? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnfGSeiWrb0

#rhetorical

Andy G: I’m calling prejudicial there, dropping a SENIOR YEAR HIGHLIGHT TAPE, AS IN, HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR YEAR. You could probably sell Jamal Murray on me with one of those.

(Sick crossovers though, yes.)

Patrick J: I plead the 5th.

Andy G: LITTLE SABONIS TO ORLANDO.

MORE IMPORTANTLY: SERGE IBAKA ALSO TO ORLANDO. [Eds note: Sabonis went to OKC, along with Victor Oladipo and Ersan Ilyasova in this deal. It was probably the biggest thing that happened last night.]

Patrick J: Wow. (Eds. Note: We need to get audio of Arvydas Sabonis for the blog. He sounds like Andre the Giant.)

Andy G: I just made an Arvydas/Andre the Giant comp on Twitter. So did @BobbyBigWheel: https://twitter.com/BobbyBigWheel/status/746143608718368768

#GreatMinds (?)

Or was it just the obvious play?

Patrick J:  Given the other player involved was @BobbyBigWheel, I’m thinking #GreatMinds. (!) (Eds. Note: Follow that account if you aren’t already. Thank us later.)

Andy G: Stein reporting Wolves-Butler talks have reached an “advanced stage.”

Patrick J: Sounds like a description of cancer, but I’ll take it. (Eds. Note: #FuckCancer)

Andy G: Yeah, that’s kind of what I thought. Let’s put a happier spin on the Wolves nearing the acquisition of an all-star guard.

Patrick J: That’s the acquisition I wanted more than any other this offseason, aside (possibly) from Joakim Noah as a Free Agent. Here’s hoping we end up with Butler and Noah.

Andy G: Okay, we’re going to take a break here so we can relax and watch the draft.