[In case you forgot how this is done, a quick how-to, or “what to expect” in tonight’s return of regular season basketball on TNT.]
5:30 CST – Leave work, gym, wherever you are. Go home.
6:00 CST – Grab laptop, flip on TV to NBA Tip-Off presented by AutoTrader.com, get comfortable.
6:01 CST – See that Shaquille O’Neal is still employed by TNT, feel momentarily upset.
6:02 CST – See that E.J., Kenny and Charles are still employed by TNT, feel less upset.
6:15 CST – Flip on the Wizards-Cavs game on League Pass Broadband. NBA is officially back.
6:18 CST – Be entertained by JAN VESELY!
6:20 CST – Back to TNT. Shaq tells the world that Eddy Curry is the best center since…Shaq. A primer for the late game, I guess. Chuck has his head on the desk, looks like he might kill Shaq before
night’s season’s end.
6:40 CST – Randy Wittman gets T’d up. It’s not going well for the ‘Zards. Who could’ve seen this coming?
6:59 CST – Get off couch, walk to fridge, grab another Surly.
7:00 CST – TNT cuts to Miami, where Eastern Conference Finals rematch is set to ensue. Cameras focus on Ray Allen and Rajon Rondo. Discussion focused on supposed former teammate rift and off of the fact that the best basketball player in the world is about to take the floor.
9:31 CST – Watch Dwight Howard in a Laker uniform. Watch Steve Nash in a Laker uniform.
9:35 CST – Dig through the fridge — is there any Abrasive hiding in there? No? How about some of that paint-thinner concoction that Joaquin was slurping down in The Master? [Seriously, anything to help with this Lakers-having-Nash & Howard thing.] No? Damn, back to the game.
10:30 CST – It’s halftime, Charles makes point that after Harden Trade, Lakers are favorite in the West. Shaq disagrees, says Mavs will contend (despite 35-point halftime deficit currently in place) because Zach Randolph is a true post player, unlike Dwight Howard. E.J. points out that Z-Bo plays for Memphis. Shaq stands by his point. Kenny is left out of discussion, even as camera pans to his “pictures” thing.
11:00 CST – As Laker lead stretches beyond 50, flip on the laptop and find that Wizards-Cavs is archived. Watch Kyrie Highlights and Jordan Crawford Lowlights to stay entertained until “Inside” comes on.
11:30 CST – Inside the NBA.
12:15 CST – Bedtime.
It’s good to be back.